I was at the YMCA the other day when a dad told an expectant father in the locker room that all daycares are the same.

I practically fell out of my towel when I heard this. I assume Mr. Steroid has had the good fortune to need only one childcare provider for his family. But take it from me (Mr. I need steroids), I've had my kids in three-day cares and they were nothing alike.

Our first daycare was a disaster. We left that place after they called me in the middle of the day with alarming news.

"Mr. Swarner, something's wrong with you son!"

"What happened?" I asked shaking. "Is he breathing? Wait! I'll be right over."

When I arrived they brought me into the owner's office and asked me to sit down. The staff stared at their feet nervously.

"Coffee, Mr. Swarner?"

"Look," I said. "It's best you just tell me what happened. Where's my son?"

The owner paused a second and then spoke: "Your son spit up."

My face sank. "Blood?"

"No. Peas," she said. "Now you shouldn't panic, but he should see a doctor, and, we'd like him to stay home until he can act normal."

"He's 8 months," I said.

"It shot out of his mouth like confetti, Mr. Swarner....it scared the latch key kids."

The next daycare we chose for our son was worse. They didn't care if my child spit up, nor how long it stayed on his shirt. I'd send my kids there with spotless clothes and faces and they'd return looking like victims of a fraternity food fight. We asked the daycare to use the bibs we sent, but that didn't keep the peanut butter and jelly off their shoes. I finally gave up and dressed my children in dry cleaner bags.

Enter our present day care - the land of milk and honey, not to mention a center with clean floors, educational programs, and employees who don't use the word, "sucks."

Chatting with friends, I can safely say my journey to find decent childcare has not been unique. And for some, it is still the eternal quest. But, borrowing from other's and mine experiences, if I had to write it down, I'd have to say a good daycare: